Delicia not so Delicious

Okay people, this is going to be a review on Alcohol.
if you are not 21 years old, please feel free to stop reading now/leave my blog so I don't get in trouble.
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I was perusing the alcohol at Walmart and caught site of the pretty bottles of Delicia in the fridge case there. They have Red Velvet, Whipped, and Strawberries & Cream flavors.
I'm not a fan of Red Velvet, but the other two sounded good, so those were purchased for about $6/each.

Because of the packaging/bottle, I mistakingly thought that these were flavored champagnes. Wrong! They're flavored "malt beverages" aka smirnoff ice's in fancy bottles/different flavors.
Different companies, same concept.

Opening them they have all these scary warnings about the "cork" popping off and taking your eye out. Please put a towel over it and point away when you open it. But it's so anti-climactic. It will pop off with a whisper and it's a plastic top.

The strawberries & cream smells really good, but it tastes terrible, like red food dye and the one dimensional flavor of an alcohol that underage people buy because they can get buzzed and it doesn't actually taste like booze at all.
It tastes like you're drinking strawberry fanta soda, only with less fizz.
There's only 5% alcohol in this, so you'll have to drink quite a bit to feel anything at all unless you're sneaking it in high school and are a lightweight.

Then we have the "whipped" flavor. Why they didn't just add the Cream part on there, I have no clue. But same deal, same bottle, same %. this one tastes like a cream soda, only a little more one dimensional.
If you love wine coolers and one dimensional alcohol that really doesn't taste like much, you will love this.

Trust me, I'm not trying to be pretentious. Once upon a time I would have LOVED this stuff. I would have been overjoyed to drink it and think it was the greatest thing ever. This is the booze made for fresh 21 year olds who live in a sorority house and want to drink something pretty and girly that is easy to go down. This is made for college girls who have bachelerette parties, or birthday parties.
I call this "Starter Booze".
It's like how when you're a kid, sickly sweet hostess cupcakes are the BEST THING EVER. Then you get older and start trying homemade cupcakes and cupcakery ones and realize that you can't eat the hostess ones anymore without feeling nauseous.
It's an unfortunate part of getting older. You just can't handle things you did as a younger version of yourself.

I give this a 3/5.